It’s been quite the journey to say the least. After leaving Etsy I felt an emptiness. I had left a community I was starting to rely on, depend on for advice and outreach. Although I could always tap into that community again I now feel like an imposter. I’m no longer apart of Etsy exclusive events or fairs or meet-ups. And not to mention that while I was leaving Etsy I was also being laid off from my last job at Evernote. Change was among us and I couldn’t do anything to try to stop it. It was frustrating and sad and because I’m a frighteningly impatient human I was eager to keep the ball moving even if that ball was a square and it wasn’t going anywhere anymore.

So I left Etsy. Got laid off of my last job. No longer allowed to be on unemployment and scrambling for a new job, learning a new e-commerce system, paying a ton of fees, and feeling absolutely overwhelmed.

I talk a lot about my feelings, which sometimes can make people uncomfortable, but it’s how I understand my life so future apologizes if I bore you or offend you in any way.

While leaving Etsy was necessary, and frankly out of my hands, I was feeling good about having everything on my Squarespace site, but with that came new change. And this new change wasn’t great. My sales had dropped significantly. I went from having a steady stream of sales to zero. Yep, you read that right. ZERO sales. Now rationally thinking there are probably a ton of reasons for this, but in my mind it was the platform change that really did it. And while I still feel like I ‘should’ be doing a lot more for my business I realize that this business isn’t paying my bills and it isn’t my source of reliability in my financial life. It never was. It was a project that grew and grew and changed and fell and got right back up again. There are nights when I think about reaching back out to clients or if I want to add a new item on my site (which I am, but it’s not going to be cookies!). But I try my hardest to not make myself run through the list of ‘should’s that will drive me absolutely bonkers.

The lack of sales was a blessing in disguise because I landed a baking gig at a nearby prep school. Yes, that’s right. I bake for children. Approximately 500 of them everyday. I make about 75 cookies a day, 2 dozen muffins, 20 pizzas from scratch (yes, I make my own dough), and I make cakes and breads when I have ‘down time’. Needless to say I’m exhausted after every work day that even if I was getting any orders the likelihood that I’d be super pumped about it is small.

Regardless I haven’t abandoned ship. There was radio silence and there definitely will be more radio silence in the future, but that’s life. And as a 26 year old that has no idea what she’s doing or how to do I think I ought to be more gentle with myself about this whole thing. It’s a learning process and although I pressure myself to achieve or accomplish God knows what I have to be honest with myself that sometimes I’ll fail. I’ll fail a lot. But it’s not about failing is it? It’s about getting back up. That’s what all those smart people say right?

For now I’ll keep on baking. Baking for myself. For the Bake Lab. For work. And I’ll keep on learning. And all the while my life will go on and other magical things will start to happen.

For example I’m going back to New Jersey in November so I’m super excited about that! I planned a trip to Japan with my boyfriend for March and my cousin is coming to visit this weekend!

I am grateful for all of my friends and family that continue to support my craziness. I love you all so dearly.

Keep learning <3

Rachel

Man, I can't wait to see this big beautiful city again <3 

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