Every year for the last few years I remember my new year resolutions resulting in me either wanting to lose weight, eat healthier, or work out more. It was never anything really mentally challenging, only physical and self-pitying.
This year was a strange year for resolutions because I decided I wasn’t going to have one. And then when I had decided that for myself it was as if everyone around me had made a conscience decision to have well thought out resolutions and stick to them (so far). I was astounded, frustrated, and suddenly felt an increasing volume of pressure standing over me.
Do I need a resolution? What if I don’t have one? What does it say about me if I don’t want one?
My mind was rattling with questions and self-doubt. I was judging myself because I didn’t do this arbitrary task that everyone partook in.
But as the days progressed and as my unemployment settled in I felt a blanket of worry gobble me up. And because I felt everyone had this new take on 2016, I felt stuck and confused about the direction I was going in. In the past I would disappoint myself by trying to predict the future, declare an early outcome, and try to get ready for something that inevitably left me wanting more. So as I grew older I decided to have less expectation, more preparedness, and allow my mind to come back to the present when it so often wanted to race to the future.
And it wasn’t until last night that it dawned on me. All of it.
- I was allowing myself to feel overwhelmed because I decided not to join the crowd.
I was allowing myself to feel bombarded with issues that didn’t pertain to me so I could feel important and busy while in reality I didn’t have to do anything. I chose to do it.
I unintentionally refocused my schedule to reflect my wants for The Bake Lab without putting some grand pressure on myself to ‘succeed’ in any particular manner.
I am moving forward and working on my small business without the fear of ‘am I doing enough?’ looming over my head.
You might think this is a lot for one person to feel, but I can say this safely, I feel a lot often and in rapid succession.
Although I started 2016 on a rather emotionally draining foot and with no resolution in for the foreseeable future, without a singular doubt, I am doing very well. My business is booming. I have redirected my need for consistent orders for cafes and small restaurant businesses to corporate accounts where I can meet the needs of catering, events, and weekly pantry orders. Not only am I meeting more friendly and beautiful faces in my new hometown, Redwood City, but I’m getting to know my community on a much deeper level. In addition to the corporate accounts (which I’ll make public soon!) I am also working with a delivery service to put more cookies into the hands of San Francisco and Bay Area Residents!
There are some amazing things happening at The Bake Lab and I’m so thankful for being able to take this time to fully reflect, engage, and learn from all of these experiences.
I can’t guarantee I’ll have a resolution anytime soon, but I can tell you that whatever happens next...won’t be boring.
What are some of your goals for this year?
Do you also think resolutions are silly?